nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
