you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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