I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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