Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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