I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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