we're chasing vodka with high fives
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
