At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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