I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
