youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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