My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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