aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
