Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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