I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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