kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
