If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
