Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
