I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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