I could have mohawked her pubes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
