just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made out with two different species that night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
