things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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