Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
