wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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