Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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