think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
two words: eviction party
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
