i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
