lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
