Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
