I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
