Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
