What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
