i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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