Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
