1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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