The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
