totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
