He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
