im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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