Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
