saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
