it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my being single is dangerous.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
