a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
