she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
