dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
