Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
