this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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