I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
