we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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