sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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