a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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