I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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