Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
