Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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