Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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