And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
