I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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