i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
