She's JV to your varsity
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
