yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There r osticjed everywhere
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
