Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
