I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
