I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
