Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
