careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
