I have demons in me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
