remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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