Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize