living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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