Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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