I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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