Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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