so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
